- Having a penis gives you a 70% chance of being a colossal dick.
- I’m yet to stumble onto much of the 30% of penis havers who don’t fall into the above category.
- The Dap is a dance that mimics sneezing into your elbow.
- When someone texts you, “Yes! We’re on for dinner tonight! But, WOW, things are crazy at work!”, that directly translates to, “Ready yourself, I’m about to cancel plans shortly, and will use work as an excuse.”
- The time between those two texts takes approximately 16 minutes.
- Mozzarella sticks, homemade sauce for dipping, and a fancy hard cider is my new favorite meal.
- The lady who waxed my eyebrows is a slow plucker. Slow plucking hurts like a mother plucker.
- My hard limit on iced coffees per day is 3.
- If you do one of those crazy Facebook quizzes where it tells you which friends will be on your next road trip, or bank heist, or taking your underwater basket weaving class, I’ll ALWAYS be the one falling down or eating. Because, REFLECTION of LIFE.
